I first discovered Wicca and Paganism in 1992 when I was
living with my 2 year old daughter in a 32 Foot Terry Travel Trailer in a
trailer park near Foster City, California.
I made friends with a neighbor, a wonderful woman named Jen who had a
daughter near my own daughter’s age named Amy.
I knew, in a round-about way, about Paganism and I had studied both
Hinduism and Buddhism in my past while seeking my personal “way”. Jen introduced me to Wicca and I felt like I’d
finally found home. It may sound
ridiculous, but that is truly how I felt.
I began following the Dianic path of Wicca. I had always had a fascination with the tales
of Greek Polytheism, and their Roman counterparts. I even named my daughter after the Roman
deity Diana. But when Jen took me to her
Coven, I found that the calling I’d always heard was a real thing. I heard my Lady telling me to THINK, to
FEEL, to FORGIVE…I accepted the religion 100%, I followed it, well, excuse the
pun, but religiously. Within five years
I had learned a lot and worked my way up to a Priestess. During this time I traveled around California,
I was suffering from what was then called Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy, now
called Complex Regional Pain Syndrome.
Having been diagnosed at the UC Davis Pain Clinic in 1992, after an
accident in early 1992, I had applied for disability and was fighting with the
wonderful program called “Workers Comp”.
I learned a lot during this time. I learned that nothing is free, not even in
our religion in which our deity actually pays attention to us. I needed $982.50
to pay a bill, so I did a ritual asking the Deity to send me the money. The
ritual worked: the next week I was
fired. My severance pay was
$982.50. No one can say the Lady doesn’t
have a sense of humor…or snark.
I moved to Bakersfield, Ca and became the High Priestess of
a Coven. Now I have to admit, while I
followed the Dianic path, I was somewhat eclectic and brought in other things
that just made sense. For one, I had always
known the “Ley Lines”. Flows of energy,
living energy from which all living being draw energy. I always sensed Ley Lines, I knew where they
were, where Nodes were, where Vortexes were and could draw the neutral energy
from them. I learned that I was what
they called an “energy worker”, but I wasn’t a typical energy worker since most
are healers and I am not. I also knew
that I couldn’t work with crystals; I burn out crystals very, very
quickly. I am also am empath, a medium
and a telepath. All of this I
encompassed in my teaching of the Dianic path to my coven mates and
initiates.
All was well for over 20 years, until about 2010. I had moved from a very isolated home ¾ of
the way up the side of a mountain with the nearest neighbors over a mile away,
AS THE CROW FLIES. I moved to a house in
the middle of a small town, in a cul-de-sac, just a block from the high
school. Talk about a difficult
change. I also had orthoscopic knee
surgery that was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. It did nothing positive, but made the CRPS
spread all the way up to my hip and lower back.
I went from using my power chair sporadically and walking on my
treadmill 3-5 miles three times a week at 3 mph to being bedridden and having
to use my chair to go to the bathroom. The
house we bought was one of the strangest places I’ve ever lived. It was, completely, psy null. NOTHING non-corporeal could exist there
unless it was attached to me. I have
spirits that are my guides and guardians, they were allowed to stay, though I
came to find out they were not comfortable.
BUT, nothing else was tolerated.
I never did find out why, but three years later, I couldn’t take it
anymore and we bought another house, in the country again, closer to town than
before and with neighbors, but it was a normal house; resident spirits and all.
Now, just a note, I say “we” because in 2003, I met and
married my best friend. We were
together, with a few “vacations”, until October of 2014 when he decided to move
down to where his boyfriend lived. While
his sexuality wasn’t a surprise, his move certainly was. It left me in a bad place. Our house payment is $350 and I only make
$705 a month on disability. But anyway,
during this time, I discovered I was, once again, seeking something else.
I stopped calling myself Wiccan, and began referring to myself a
Pagan. I had beliefs, but none that
seemed to be a set, or a specific path.
I kept in contact with the different deities I’d always felt a bond
with, but no one “spoke” to me.
Fast forward to August 2015.
I read a “Pagan Jokes” post on Facebook and found reference to a Pagan/Wiccan
Path I’d never heard of…Feri. I began
doing research, found out some of what I already believed fit nicely into this
Path. Other things were new, but felt
right. Now, I’ve just begun my studies,
and while I’m seeking a Teacher, I’m not convince I will find out. And Feri isn’t a Path that can be really
learned alone…they use mostly Teacher to Initiate study and that may be a
problem.
I spent some time looking for guided meditation that might
help me find a teacher, or at least a Spirit Guide who could help me. Nothing Feri specific, so I decided to do a
simple, generic “Find Your Spirit Guide”.
I was sitting on the bench, waiting when young male came and sat beside
me. He was a totally normal looking man,
nice looking, sweet face, gently eyes, but not a “drop dead gorgeous”
guide. He had auburn hair, and was about
5’10. We communicated and I felt he was
not really telling me anything, then he took my hand and led me from the bench
in the garden to a beach. There, in the
surf, was the Goddess. Just as I’d
always seen her, but I knew it wasn’t “Diana” exactly, it was HER…the special
Lady that goes by many names, many guises.
I walked to her, and she embraced me, her smile was warm and gentle. I knew…I just knew that she was exactly what
I was looking for…what I’d always had, but had felt lost from.
I “told” her I hadn’t heard from her recently and with a
gentle, and slightly sad smile, she told me, that she’d been talking…I just
hadn’t been listening. She’d never left
me, I’d just lost my ability to hear her.
But she wasn’t made at me, she loved me, she welcomed me. The male, the God, was behind her and when I
through that he didn’t look like my idea of the God, he smiled and appeared as
the traditional view; horns, flowers and all.
He asked “is this what you wish”?
I knew, in that moment, that I while I was indeed searching
for a new Path, the Paths all led to the same place, exactly where I’d always
been, in her, at home. I’d just not been
in the mindset for a long time to see it.
She touched my face and told me it was time for me to leave, and I didn’t
want too, but that very moment, the Guided Meditation speaker began telling me
it was time to wrap up the conversation.
The God led me back to the bench and hugged me. He welcomed me back and told me he loved me,
he had missed me and then I walked through the door, leaving the beautiful
state of being and eventually “waking up”.
The entire thing took 30 minutes, the length of the Guided Meditation. But it seemed like both no time, and
forever. I came awake in awe, in love
and with the knowledge that while a new Path was calling me, in the end, no
matter what Path we walk, we are all walking the same direction, the same place
and to the same end. I intend to study
Feri, it’s intriguing and I like the information I’ve found so far. I have faith that a Teacher will come to me
when it’s time, until then, I’ll keep reading, looking and seeking; but I will
also work on keeping my personal relationship with my Lady and her
Consort. I crave that relationship and I
had forgotten just how much.
Merry Meet
