Sunday

Oh BOTHER......lol.   I feel a bit like Eeyore tonight.   There really isn't too much to say tonight, but I want to get I to the mood of working on this every night.  

Oh......

So......

Alters.

First post

This is my first post and man, would it be easier if my ipad took dictation.  First of all, for those that find this, please know that while you're welcome to read and comment, I'm doing this for myself.

I am an inconvenience.  This has been shown more and more lately. Not by Paul, certainly as he has gone above and beyond for me.  But in the case of my daughter, I am certainly an inconvienence.  I know she'll argue that point, as she argues every point I make, and every feeling I have....but there you have it.  Every time I have to ask her to come over and help me, it shows.  Every time I do something she doesn't approve of, it shows.  She makes her living taking care of me, but I am just an inconvienence she has to deal with in order to get paid. 

Now please believe me when I say I'm not "playing the victim". As a matter of fact I'm not even crying when I write this.   It's more like an ephiphany that struck me as I w as driving to. Get my meds this morning.    Now don't get me wrong, I admit to being dependent on my meds and I sometimes take them just to sleep so the day will pass sooner, or I'll feel better mentally.  Though I do have a legitimate chronic pain condition that causes horrible pain (CRPS), there are times I take the meds because I'm just so tired of being tired.....so tired of being on fire with no way out.  But still, it would have been nice if the girl paid to take care of me, who said she was worried about me driving, had gone to get them.  But 9am is before her wake up time.  

I don't think she hears herself at times when she talks to me....how she sounds.   And her husband backs her up, even when she's wrong.  He'll, maybe I'm hearing things that aren't there.....I don't know.   What I do know is that what ever way you slice it, I'm inconvienent....I get in the way.